Counselling for Anxiety: What Helps
How counselling helps with anxiety: CBT and other approaches, what sessions involve, self-help alongside therapy, NHS and private options and when to seek help.
Counselling for Low Self-Esteem: How Therapy Can Help
How counselling helps with low self-esteem: where it comes from, the signs, CBT, compassion-focused and person-centred approaches, and self-help that works.
Key takeaways
- Low self-esteem is a persistently negative view of yourself; it isn’t a diagnosis, but it can affect every part of life.
- Counselling helps you understand where it comes from and change the beliefs and habits that keep it going.
- CBT, compassion-focused and person-centred approaches are common; small daily self-help steps support the work.
On this page
Low self-esteem means having a persistently poor opinion of yourself: feeling you’re not good enough, not likeable or not as capable as other people. It isn’t a mental health diagnosis, but it can affect relationships, work and wellbeing, and it often goes hand in hand with anxiety or depression. Counselling can help you understand where these beliefs came from and gradually change the way you see and treat yourself. Common approaches include cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), compassion-focused therapy and person-centred counselling.
Signs of low self-esteem
- A harsh inner critic that picks at everything you do
- Brushing off compliments and focusing on mistakes
- Comparing yourself unfavourably with others
- Finding it hard to say no or ask for what you need
- Avoiding challenges for fear of failing or being judged
- Over-preparing or perfectionism to avoid criticism
- Feeling responsible when things go wrong
- Putting others’ needs first to feel acceptable
Everyone has days like this. It becomes a problem when these patterns are persistent and hold you back.
Where low self-esteem comes from
Often it develops over time. Common roots include:
- criticism, neglect or high expectations in childhood
- bullying, discrimination or being excluded
- abuse or other traumatic experiences
- difficult life events, such as redundancy, relationship breakdown or illness
- ongoing stress, money worries or isolation
- constant comparison, including on social media
Understanding the roots isn’t about blaming anyone. It helps you see that these beliefs were learned, often in situations where they made sense at the time, which means they can be questioned and changed now.
How low self-esteem keeps itself going
Negative beliefs about yourself shape what you predict will happen and how you act, and those actions often stop you finding out the belief is wrong.
| Step | Example |
|---|---|
| Belief | “I’m boring.” |
| Prediction | “If I speak up at the meeting, people will lose interest.” |
| Behaviour | Stay quiet, or over-rehearse every word |
| Result | You never discover people might value your ideas |
| Belief strengthened | “See, I have nothing to offer.” |
Counselling helps break this cycle.
Approaches that can help
| Approach | How it helps |
|---|---|
| Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) | Identifies negative beliefs, tests them against evidence and uses small experiments to try new behaviour |
| Compassion-focused therapy | Builds a kinder inner voice to counter shame and self-criticism |
| Person-centred counselling | Offers acceptance and understanding, helping you trust your own worth and judgement |
| Psychodynamic therapy | Explores how early relationships shaped the way you see yourself |
Our guides to CBT, person-centred therapy and psychodynamic therapy explain these approaches in more detail.
What you might do in sessions
- Keep a thought record to catch self-critical thoughts and look for a fairer view.
- Collect positive evidence: a daily note of things you did well or that others appreciated.
- Try behavioural experiments: speaking up once in a meeting and noticing what actually happens.
- Write a compassionate letter to yourself, as you would to a friend in the same situation.
- Explore your values so you judge yourself by what matters to you, not by others’ standards.
- Practise assertiveness, including saying no.
Self-help that makes a difference
The NHS suggests several practical steps, and counsellors often build on them:
- Recognise what you’re good at, however small it seems.
- Build positive relationships and spend less time with people who put you down.
- Be kind to yourself, especially when things go wrong.
- Learn to be assertive and start saying no.
- Give yourself a challenge and notice your progress.
- Limit comparison, including time on social media that leaves you feeling worse.
When it may be part of something else
Low self-esteem often overlaps with depression, anxiety, eating problems or the effects of trauma. If you’ve felt low or hopeless most days for more than two weeks, or worry is taking over, speak to your GP. Our guides to counselling for depression and counselling for anxiety explain the support available, and signs you might benefit from counselling may help you decide.
Finding support in the UK
- NHS Talking Therapies (England): you can refer yourself; low self-esteem is often worked on as part of treatment for depression or anxiety.
- Your GP: can refer you to local services in England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland.
- Private counselling: choose a counsellor registered with a recognised body such as BACP, UKCP or NCPS; see how to find a counsellor in the UK and counselling costs.
- Group courses: some services run confidence-building groups; see group therapy explained.
If you need help now
If you feel unable to keep yourself safe, call 999 or go to A&E. You can call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time, or text SHOUT to 85258. In England, call NHS 111 and choose the mental health option.
Frequently asked questions
Can counselling really change how I see myself?
Yes, for many people. Change is usually gradual, built from small shifts in how you think, act and treat yourself.
How long does counselling for low self-esteem take?
It varies. Some people notice changes in 8 to 12 sessions of CBT; deeper, long-standing patterns may take longer.
Is low self-esteem a mental illness?
No. It isn’t a diagnosis in itself, but it can contribute to, or be a sign of, conditions such as depression and anxiety.
Sources
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