Counselling for Anxiety: What Helps
How counselling helps with anxiety: CBT and other approaches, what sessions involve, self-help alongside therapy, NHS and private options and when to seek help.
How to Support Someone Who Won’t Get Help
How to support someone who’s struggling but won’t seek help: starting the conversation, listening, gentle encouragement, looking after yourself and emergencies.
Key takeaways
- You can’t force someone to get help, but you can make it easier to accept.
- Listen without judging, ask open questions and offer practical help.
- If someone is at immediate risk, call 999 or go to A&E.
On this page
Watching someone you care about struggle, and refuse help, can be painful and frustrating. You can’t make decisions for another adult, but your support can make a real difference.
Starting the conversation
- Choose a calm, private moment, perhaps while walking or driving, when eye contact is optional.
- Open gently: “I’ve noticed you seem really tired lately. How are you doing?”
- Share what you’ve noticed, without labels or diagnosis.
Listen more than you speak
- Let them talk without interrupting or fixing.
- Reflect back: “It sounds like everything feels too much at the moment.”
- Avoid “just cheer up” or comparisons with your own experiences.
What to say and what to avoid
| Try | Avoid |
|---|---|
| “I’m here, whenever you want to talk.” | “You just need to get out more.” |
| “That sounds really hard.” | “Other people have it worse.” |
| “What would help right now?” | “You should see someone, full stop.” |
| “Would it help if I came with you?” | Making plans for them without asking |
Understand why they’re reluctant
People avoid help because of stigma, fear of being judged, not believing it will work, not knowing where to start or cost worries. Address the barrier, not the person. If cost is the worry, point to free routes; if fear is the barrier, explain what actually happens.
Make help easier
- Share information about options, like how to find a counsellor or free and low-cost routes.
- Offer to help book an appointment or go with them.
- Suggest a first step that feels small, such as a GP appointment or a helpline call.
- Explain what happens in a first session to reduce fear.
Asking about suicide
If you’re worried someone is thinking about suicide, it’s OK to ask directly: “Are you thinking about ending your life?” Asking doesn’t put the idea in their head, and many people feel relieved to be asked. Listen calmly, take what they say seriously and help them get support. If they’re in immediate danger, don’t leave them alone.
If they agree to see a doctor, our guide to talking to your GP about mental health can help them prepare.
Urgent help across the UK
| Where | Who to contact |
|---|---|
| Anywhere in the UK | 999 or A&E in an emergency; Samaritans free on 116 123; text SHOUT to 85258 |
| England | NHS 111, mental health option |
| Wales | NHS 111 Wales, press 2 |
| Scotland | NHS 24 on 111 |
| Northern Ireland | Lifeline on 0808 808 8000 |
Look after yourself
Supporting someone can be exhausting. Keep your own routines, talk to someone you trust and consider support for yourself. Carers’ organisations and mental health charities offer advice for people supporting someone else. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
In an emergency
If someone is at immediate risk of harming themselves, call 999 or take them to A&E. You can call Samaritans free on 116 123 for advice, day or night. In England, NHS 111 (mental health option) can help urgently.
Frequently asked questions
Can I make an adult get mental health treatment?
Generally no, unless there are serious safety concerns assessed by professionals. Focus on support and encouragement.
What if they get angry when I bring it up?
Stay calm, don’t push and let them know you’re there when they’re ready.
Should I tell their family or friends?
Respect their privacy where possible, but safety comes first if you’re worried about serious harm.
Sources
Every article is edited by a human and checked against our editorial policy. Spotted a mistake? Tell us.
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