How to Find a Counsellor in the UK: NHS and Private Routes
How to find a counsellor in the UK: NHS Talking Therapies and self-referral, private counselling costs, low-cost options and checking registration.
How to Tell If a Counsellor Is Right for You
How to know if your counsellor is a good fit: signs therapy is working, red flags, how to raise concerns, and how to change counsellors without feeling guilty.
Key takeaways
- Feeling heard, respected and safe matters more than any particular technique.
- It’s normal for counselling to feel uncomfortable at times, but not unsafe or dismissive.
- You can raise concerns, and you can change counsellors.
On this page
Research consistently finds that the relationship between you and your counsellor is one of the strongest predictors of whether therapy helps. So it’s worth asking: is this the right person for me?
Give it a few sessions
The first session or two can feel awkward, even with the right counsellor, because you’re both getting to know each other. Unless something feels clearly wrong, it’s usually worth attending three or four sessions before deciding. That said, trust your instincts if you feel unsafe or disrespected.
Signs it’s a good fit
- You feel listened to and understood, not judged.
- You can be honest, even about difficult things.
- Your counsellor explains how they work and checks in about progress.
- Sessions feel purposeful, even when they’re hard.
- You notice small changes in how you think, feel or act.
Normal discomfort vs red flags
Counselling can bring up painful feelings; that’s part of the work. But some things aren’t OK:
| Normal | Red flag |
|---|---|
| Feeling emotional after sessions | Feeling shamed or dismissed |
| Being gently challenged | Being pressured or told what to do with your life |
| Talking about difficult topics | Your counsellor talking mostly about themselves |
| Slow progress at times | Boundaries crossed, such as personal relationships or contact outside sessions |
Questions to ask yourself
After four to six sessions, it can help to reflect:
- Do I feel safe enough to say what I really think?
- Do I understand what we’re working on and why?
- Is anything different, even slightly, since I started?
- Do I leave sessions with something to think about?
- Would I recommend this counsellor to a friend in my situation?
If most answers are no, it’s worth talking about it.
How to raise a concern
Try saying: “I’m not sure this is helping. Can we talk about how it’s going?” A good counsellor will welcome the conversation and may adapt their approach. Disagreements and misunderstandings can happen in any relationship, and working through them together can be a useful part of therapy.
Changing counsellors
It’s completely acceptable to change. You might want a different approach (see counselling vs therapy vs psychotherapy), a different personality or someone with specific experience. A final session to close the work can be helpful, but it’s your choice. When you start with someone new, telling them what did and didn’t help before can save time.
Ending counselling well
Counselling doesn’t have to end only when everything is fixed. You might stop because you feel better, because your circumstances change or because you want a break. Many counsellors suggest planning the last few sessions together, looking back at what’s changed and what to do if difficulties return.
If something serious happens
If a counsellor breaches professional boundaries, you can complain to their professional body, such as BACP, UKCP or NCPS. If you feel able, you can raise smaller concerns with the counsellor first. Registers accredited by the Professional Standards Authority must have a complaints process, which is one reason to choose someone on an accredited register; see how to find a counsellor.
Frequently asked questions
How many sessions before I know it’s working?
Many people get a sense within three to six sessions, though deeper change takes longer.
Is it rude to switch counsellors?
No. Counsellors understand that fit matters.
What if I feel worse after starting counselling?
It’s common to feel worse briefly as you explore difficult feelings. If it continues, talk to your counsellor or GP.
Sources
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Keep reading
What Happens in Your First Counselling Session
Nervous about your first counselling session? What usually happens, the questions you may be asked, confidentiality and how to make it work for you.
How Much Does Counselling Cost in the UK?
What counselling costs in the UK: typical private fees, free NHS talking therapies, low-cost and sliding-scale options, workplace schemes and questions to ask.